If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
