Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
