The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
