the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
