good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
