So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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