Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
