Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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