wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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