I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Randomize