GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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