Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Semen is not good for contacts.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
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