why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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