she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
