So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
