What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
