3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
