I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
