She announced her abortion via fbk
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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