I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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