I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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