It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
She just used a chaser for red wine.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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