Buhtt sex?
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
