You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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