I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
