WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
