ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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