Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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