I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
