Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
