Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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