Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize