I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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