How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
