oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Your cock deserves a montage
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
