So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Couch. On fire.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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