apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
