you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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