You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
