You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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