just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I DEMAND FORESKIN
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
