dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
