Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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