I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
