well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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