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• (713): View more from Texas

  I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.

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• (609): View more from New Jersey

  so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?

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• (517): View more from Michigan

  I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"

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• (520): View more from Arizona

  just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store

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• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree

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• (201): View more from New Jersey

  A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."

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• (703): View more from Virginia

  if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless

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• (563): View more from Iowa

  I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?

  (208): View more from Idaho

  Beautiful, beautiful reality

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• (315): View more from New York

  I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors

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• (716): View more from New York

  Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.

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• (573): View more from Missouri

  What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?

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• (774): View more from Massachusetts

  It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo

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• (989): View more from Michigan

  maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet

  (917): View more from New York City

  and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself

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• (323): View more from California

  Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips

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