He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
