Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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