dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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