i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
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