stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
