He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
