I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
