I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
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