chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
