Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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