how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
