the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
