best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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