I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Randomize