you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
My vagina just recognized that song.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
