If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
it's great music for shaving your balls
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
