I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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