We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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