this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
