After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
