I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
