I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
