you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
