Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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