So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
