I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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