forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
