trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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