Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
