i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
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