just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize