oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Randomize