Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
